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Who here likes being judged for their parenting?
*No hands are raised*

Bueller? Bueller?

None of us, right?

Okay, there probably are one or two mamas reading this who feel that if they were judged, everyone would be impressed by their spectacular parenting portfolio. Well, well done, Karen.

Most likely though, if you think you are the crème de la crème of parents, I hate to break it to ya, but your kiddo probably isn’t presenting you with some of the challenges other mamas face.


Because here’s the truth:

We judge people when we witness a situation in which we think we would do things differently.

We make this judgement based on
our own circumstances
our own state of mind
our own children.

And I’m not pointing fingers here. I know I am guilty of doing it too.

We all are.

To be fair to us all, it can be easy to judge.

But we need to remember that it’s easy because we only have a few tidbits of information.

We don’t understand the full story of that mama and those kiddos.


The mama who seems unaware of her child’s “bad” behavior
– May be caught up in thoughts about losing a loved one.
– Or she may be making a choice to back off and let her kid be a kid.
– She may be self conscious and unsure of what to do.
– Or she might be dealing with the fog of depression.

The mama who yells and seems overly angry with her child for something that seems small to you
– May be at her wit’s end after a day of relentless power battles.
– Or she may be dealing with the same behavior on repeat.
– She may not know how else to handle the situation and is truly doing her best.
– Or she may have anxiety that presents as rage (and yes she’s working on it).

The mama whose kid is hurting other kids
– May be in family therapy to understand the root of the behavior.
– Or she may be working with an Occupational Specialist to target her child’s sensory processing issues that lead to their aggression.
– She may be dealing with the behavior everywhere she goes and physically cannot respond to every single thing.
– Or she may be using gentle parenting techniques that can take a heck of a long time to work.

The mama whose kiddo is defiant
– May have a child that does not respond to common discipline approaches and what you think you would do.
– Or she may have a child who scoffs at her counts to three, time out, and taking things away.
– She may know all the “right” things to do, and does them, but they aren’t working.
– Or she may feel powerless as a mom with a history of emotionally abusive relationships where she learned to not trust herself.

Long story short, we don’t know what we don’t know about the other parent and her children. We don’t have all the facts. We are not in a position to judge.


And, really, most everyone is doing their best, so can we all agree that all this judging business isn’t helping anyone?

Can’t we all just give each other a little grace?

And maybe a knowing smile instead of a grimace or side-eyed glance?

Motherhood is hard enough without being judged for it.

And we are all probably screwing up our kids in some unforeseeable way, anyway.

So let’s just lift each other up and cheer each other on for doing our imperfect best.

Deal?

*Steps off soapbox*

Christina Furnival

Christina is a mom to two wild and wonderful kiddos, a licensed psychotherapist (LPCC), the founder of her website ChristinaFurnival.com and therapeutic motherhood blog Real Life Mama, and a children's book author of a social/emotional wellbeing series, Capable Kiddos! She and her Scottish husband are raising their family in San Diego, where they love to hike, play soccer, cook, walk around the lake, and go to the beach.

36 thoughts on “Enough with the Mom judging, okay? — We all get judged, and we all hate it, so let’s just cut it out”

  1. Every mom has DIFFERENT struggles and YOU’RE right – it is so unfair to judge based Upon a few external factorS. We never know the struggles / battles… i know im far from perfeCt and dont want others judging me, so i try to extend grace and not judge others.

  2. Every mom has DIFFERENT struggles and YOU’RE right – it is so unfair to judge based Upon a few external factorS. We never know the struggles / battles… i know im far from perfeCt and dont want others judging me, so i try to extend grace and not judge others.

  3. Important reminder..JUdging others in so wrong! Life brings us all times when our decisions are not the best, but we are all human..mistakes included, no one is perfect!

  4. This is such a great post. It is not okay to judge others or be judged as a mother as long as your kids are take. Care of that is all that matters. Thank you for this post.

  5. It’s true, we do not know EVERYONE’S situation. I have a kid with adhd and it has made me a very COMPASSIONATE person

  6. So great of you to cover this! I am a stepmom and I often feel judged just because I am not the bio mom. So very true that you never know what someone else is going through!

  7. ???????????? All of this, yes! It would be better if we just asked each other if we needed anything and how we are doing. ❤

  8. This is such a great post! I love the section where you point out what we perceive is happening vs. what is really happening. May we all be more aware & helpful to each other rather than judgemental. thanks for sharing!

  9. You’re exactly right! You don’t know another mama’s story, or circumstances, so why judge? I love it when I see mama’s building other mama’s up. I think that’s truly beautiful and it’s what I hope for when I finally get to be a mama.

  10. I remind myself daily that “Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.” A good reminder to just be kind, give grace and stop judging. Love this post!

  11. Amen sister! Stop the judgin! I have a two year old and sometimes when in publuc he has thrown the most massive fits! I have Sometimes wanted to cry. Judging only maje it worse!

  12. I hope this helps but I have to say when dealing with such passionate people (moms) i think it will be tough. there are some pretty controversial topics out there these days. Glad to see this is something being worked on..

  13. I hope this helps but I have to say when dealing with such passionate people (moms) i think it will be tough. there are some pretty controversial topics out there these days. Glad to see this is something being worked on..

  14. I agree! Judging ISN’T helping anyone. Grace and a knowing smile is so much more helpful and affirming than an eye roll od disapproving glance. Great post!

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